Currently humming: "Some kinda news opening music" by The Guy that Wrote It

Good evening and welcome to the 5:00 news. I'm your anchor, Eric Dobbs. Tonight's top story, Jason Mundie. Yes, the amazin' Asian we know and love has undergone a bit of "cosmetic surgery." Today, for the first time in months, his eyes are visible to the public. Let's go live to our man in the field. Eric?

Thanks, Eric. Yes, it's been quite a scene here at the CSC. I have with me Jason Mundie, post-cut. Now, Jason. Why did you choose today over all the others?

"Well, there really was no specific reason to choose this day over any others. I just went in the day of the Halloween party to set up my appointment. The said they could cut it then, though that wouldn't leave me with any hair. We scheduled for early December, when I'd have something left after the events."

Yes, I see. And do you have any future plans for your hair now that you've become the average-length student again?

"Um... Well, I will probably wait 'til next semester and grow it out again."

Interesting. And do you think that it will be as big of a shock then? Won't this seem like a "re-used" event at the CSC? People have seen this before. How will you up the ante?

"It's not about upping the ante. It is about donating beautiful hair to children in need."

Thank you for taking your time with us, Mr. Mundie. Back to you, Eric.

Thank you, Eric. Reports were pouring in from the CSC. It seems that anyone seeing this sight is drawn between excitement, amazement, amusement, appointment, amendment, and peppermint. Local CSCer and photophobic, Amy Farr, had this to say:

"Holy Crap! Oh my gosh!"

Yes, tension is high. We can only hope that things work out for the best. Police are advising that everyone stocks up on food and stays in their basements. This is Eric Dobbs, wishing you a good night.